Aside

Dear Me,

25 years on this earth and you have come a mighty long way. Remember when you were little, and you would talk to yourself, asking questions, and wondering what the future held? No? Ya, I don’t either.

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Over the years, I have tried to revisit my child hood, willing myself to remember innocence. Those years were literally the years of free, no cares in the world, no worries, no concerns, no blemishes, no pains. There were tears, some real and some crocodile. But those were 100% tears from either seeking attention or getting a smack down for being ill mannered.

At what point did innocence run out the door?  Did I consciously let her go, or was she ripped away from me? Maybe she decided it was time to say goodbye? When did I become less care free? When did I stop playing in the sand? When? When? When?

Not many have the gift of loving parents and/or family. Not everyone has enjoyed the tenderness of pure/unadulterated love. Not everyone has felt the sweetness of a needed/wanted touch. Not everyone knows the feeling of resting in the bosom of assuring and uplifting words. It seems a lot of people are lacking. Someway, somehow and for many reasons (some unknown) many are off balance, tilting on the edge of defeat and in dire situations, destruction. However, folks are very ‘innovative’ in finding ways to fill a void. I know, because once I was off balance, 20% who I thought the real me should be, 20% my rebellious alter-ego and 60% what others thought I should be. Can somebody say confused?????

Oh! The importance of whole; nothing missing, nothing broken, nothing needed, nothing wanted…Whole, Balanced, Complete. Only then can one live a life poured out.

Life can be a beautiful masterpiece; it can also be a convoluted mess. At what point do folks lose their way? At what point do folks deviate from the divine plan? A quote which says, you cannot train a goat, rings true to me. It doesn’t matter how many times you ‘talk’ to a goat, it will always go where it wants to go.

 My people suffer for lack of knowledge, words that can only ring true if the hearer/recipient allows it to take root in his/her spirit. You cannot get the fullness of what is being given to you if you do not open up to it fully. The truth will not make you free until you accept it. In accepting it, you give it room to germinate in you, it sprouts and then you see the fruits. A goat wants what it wants now. A goat is strong headed. A goat does not listen. I could even go as far as saying a goat is impatient.  However, a goat could be considered a fighter, which is an all-round admirable trait. Question is, what is the goat fighting for, to move forward or to move right back to where you tried to remove it?

Many are called and few are chosen, and within the chosen few, some respond, some are ‘goats’ about it and some ignore it.

I became a goat when my innocence was taken from me. In my goat-filled haze I made mistakes, all of which I now see as necessary evils. It was when I was drowning in the despair of lost innocence and goat shit – no point intended – that I called out for help and He being the ever faithful God, heard me and gave me His outstretched hand.

His outstretched hand came in the form of my mentor, my patient & loving mother (& brother), and my awesome, ever-dependable friends.

He called me out of the world, to bring me into a place of rest, abundance and wholeness. I am the chosen within the chosen few that responded to His call. This blog is about my journey and all that I hold dear.

I have accepted my call to maturity and greatness.

I am no longer a goat.

xoxo

Inner Thoughts…

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